I was no stranger to loss in 2001 but nothing could have prepared me for the heart-wrenching years that followed the death of my 30-year-old daughter. That painful existence was the hardest loss for me to survive and come out of whole. I came to accept my former losses as a separation from other souls outside of myself. With my child’s death, an essential and vital part of ME had been ripped away.
My Path to Healing
“She would want you to be happy”, bothered me more than any other comment from someone. Did people think I wanted to feel this pain and despair? But one day I changed some of the words in that statement and began my healing. “She would want me make something positive out of her death and finish our lives with dignity.”
Overwhelmed with unrelenting grief and regret after Joann’s death, I fixated on what I could have done to prevent so much pain. In my attempt to keep her memory alive with a book, I was forced to refocus. – Payment for Passage
I could no longer comprehend a loving God but I knew that it would take a power much greater than myself to recover from this loss. Somehow, someway, I had to make some sense out of life and find a purpose again to be here.
I began my spiritual climb by reading books that caught my attention, praying for help (even if I wasn’t sure there was a loving energy hearing me) attending spiritual workshops and finding a spiritual mentor.
These are a few of the things my mentor and friend, Emma, has said to me that helped:
“Let all challenges be the fire that opens the heart up. Any broken heart is an “opening” and no matter how much pain comes with such an event, it is an opening that allows one to eventually flow with more Light and Love.”
“The best thing to do is get on that horse of life and ride it in the direction it is going.”
“Look at your mistakes as knots you have tied in your spiritual rope to climb higher.”
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