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woman-seashoreThere are human beings trapped in the depths of ignorance and not even aware of their limited perspective. The person who escapes the limitations of an earthly journey discovers a higher realm, a true reality. There is an almost mystical awareness of Goodness as the origin of everything that exists. Such a person is aware of what is ultimately most worthwhile in life; but that person will frequently be misunderstood by those who haven’t shared in this spiritual insight. There are invisible truths lying under the apparent surface of things which only the most enlightened can grasp. Gathering information when you encounter a fork in the road is a wiser decision than taking an emotional train ride through illusions. –  an angel named Joann


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We choose our quality of life and decide how to take advantage of what we see in front of us. We are constantly being guided by people crossing our path at the perfect time for guidance and events that change our perspective on life. We take advantage of some and some we ignore. It would be simple just to follow the path placed before us, but we have free will as part of what makes us so unique. It is easy to get lost when the ego takes over and attempts to control an experience with high expectations and judgments. This is a waste of spiritual fuel. Since experiences can shape-shift before completion, knowing when to be tenacious and when to let go and trust life can be difficult.

There is a difference between letting go and giving up. If we let go and trust life, we always transition to a better place. If we give up, we are stuck with the discomfort inside. When we give up, we feel defeated and tell ourselves that we have failed. The words defeat, can’t, and fail all have negative connotations and harm self-esteem. Sadly, when the self-esteem is damaged, the chances diminish that we would ever try again to do something that was important to us.

Giving up is particularly harmful during a process of spiritual change. Acknowledging when we are discouraged and asking for help makes a big difference in our perseverance. We can still be successful in whatever we choose, even if we have to change directions. There are several ways to avoid a sense of defeat. Consider a change in behavior you would like to make in your life.

Steps Supporting Perseverance

  • Look within and name a spiritual goal that takes you higher on your spiritual path. .
  • Be realistic about the time you need to produce positive, lasting results. Habits that have taken years to develop won’t go away in a week.
  • Accept the fact that real change requires real work.
  • Focus on progress, not perfection. Be gentle with yourself.
  • Pace yourself with your physical energy for an activity or emotional energy for changing a behavior.
  • Set short-term goals so that you can congratulate yourself and feel proud of your accomplishments.
  • Have a plan in mind for handling distractions that compete for your attention or negative opinions from other people. A priority list may help.
  • Take care of yourself and listen to your body.
  • Give yourself the flexibility of seeing a different outcome that feels just as good as your initial goal.
  • Find enjoyment along the way.

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Ways I Maintain a Spiritual Balance:

  • I embrace with all of my heart the love for my children.
  • I accept imperfection, and I forgive myself for my mistakes.
  • I feel my emotions and trust them.
  • I listen, observe, and respond, not react.
  • I chose to see and accept the reality of an experience, even if it is painful.
  • I remain present in my life during crises and do not desert myself.
  • I have loving intent in all of my actions (toward myself or others) and reach out to help others.
  • I dream big dreams and am not afraid of asking for help; sometimes I seek counseling or ask for a hug when I need one.
  • I believe in a higher plan, trust my process, and go beyond obstacles.
  • I am in the “here and now” and connect with myself when I grieve or laugh.
  • I like simple pleasures and spend as much time in nature as possible.
  • I appreciate the smallest adventure or gift.
  • I rest when I hurt.
  • I eat what I enjoy that is healthy for me.
  • I admit when I am wrong.
  • I continue to explore what works for me and what does not.
  • I teach with passion.
  • I fulfill my responsibilities to others.
  • I enjoy being with friends.
  • I eat chocolate at least once a day.
  • I listen to music that touches me.
  • I live what I have learned.
  • I weed out areas of my life supporting unhealthy responsibilities.
  • I engage in daily physical exercise, preferably riding my bike.
  • I am ME.

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Leap:  to spring free from

Faith:  strong belief or trust that someone or something exists or that something is true

A painting of my daughter as an angel by Ariane

A painting of my daughter as an angel by Ariane

We are all on our way somewhere.  We come to this earth with a divine plan, a plan to experience, change and spiritually transform.   We are given enough free will to make choices that can change our course at times and delay the lessons we are here to learn.  Ultimately our divine plan is carried out and we are free to return home to a place where our spirits soar.  Carrying out that plan is no easy task.

Loss is the greatest catalyst for change and that can come in many forms.  Loss is not the ending of something precious, it is the birth of love and wisdom that we are all seeking.  It prompts us to be in the moment, realize what we truly value in life and connect with who we truly are.  We are in too much pain to pretend.  We lose the energy to play games with people, so we don’t pretend to be something we are not.  We question what life is all about, so we look around with a new set of eyes.  Words that held important definitions in our lives no longer make sense, so we speak less often but in a more meaningful way.  Our plan for happiness and security disappears, so we begin to take life in the moment and have no energy to do much more than let life happen and trust the next moments.  We are no longer filled with plans, beliefs and motives so moments of truth can easily be recognized by the way our body feels, not what we think.  Moments of truth become who we are, not just what we fleetingly think.  We move from our head to our hearts and live our life with purpose and dignity.

Here are five ways I used the loss of my daughter as a portal for personal transformation and spiritual enlightenment:

  1. I stopped fighting or being afraid of my feelings and use them as a valuable part of my learning to live in the moment again with love for myself and a purpose in life.  If I don’t let them flow through me, they will return like a tidal wave when I least expect it.
  2. I surround myself with people who let me be who I am each day, even if I change from hour to hour in my moods and willingness to participate in life.
  3. I get rid of anything in my life that doesn’t make me feel warm and safe.
  4. I keep a journal of what is real to me each day, how I see life continuing around me and the lessons I learn.
  5. I ask someone for help or sit still asking the spiritual realm for help when I felt overwhelmed and broken.  I let people know what I need and don’t judge myself.
  6. I do something physically, like taking a walk, riding a bike, cutting the grass. It is amazing how physical activity can serve as a pain killer.

Learning to trust and hear my daughter Joann in a form other than physical has been a hard challenge but one I will take until the end.  Do angels really exist? I have no concrete proof to hand you demonstrating that validity. I have moments of pure peace, freedom from earthly perceptions, walking on the clouds when a miracle happens and amazing moments that only an angel could orchestrate.

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Everyone in American suffered a loss yesterday and feelings will abound throughout our country of fear, anger and spiritual questions. The only hope I have for anyone is that there is a positive transformation that can occur but it takes time and the gut wrenching experiences of voicing and facing all of those emotions. Any loss is hard but one out of the blue and with no meaning except self-fullment for the criminal is unbearable.  If you have anything you wish to add to my post, please share with me below in the comments.


A perfect stranger stole my daughter’s life from her in a way that was the antithesis of how she lived. No one should have to bury a child but many of us do. Along with my loss, it seemed that future dreams and the security of old age became faded dreams. My life transformed from multi-dimensional introspection to a flat line existence. No reasoning or advice could ease my pain or comfort my broken heart. It was a time when everything familiar and proven from the past failed. My belief systems shattered and truth challenged me every day to find its meaning in my decisions. I lost my sense of spiritual existence. Earthly experiences became all that I knew.

The grief of losing Joann was heavy and carried no understanding. My child had given me strength and refuge while adding meaning and purpose to my life. The healing process involved a gamut of heart-wrenching emotions. Some days I was brave enough to walk through that valley of sorrow, gaining strength and clarity. Those days allowed me to connect with my daughter in powerful ways. On other days I attempted to walk around my sorrow or bury it, but the pain would seem to grow and eventually overwhelm me. I became unresponsive and lived completely superficially while just waiting to die.

When I was informed that my child was dead, it felt like a shotgun blast through my heart. My reality bled out upon impact and I ascended into an unfamiliar consciousness. Angels became my paramedics and they carried me to the emergency room that handles bleeding souls. I received an anesthetic called shock, as my relationship with Joann seemed to halt and even go in reverse. Past memories served as the only evidence of her life. I observed humanity, as they frantically attempted to find a comforting answer that ensured that this would never happen again, but I personally had no interest in the future. My focus was on trying to figure out if I could have done anything to save my child. I desperately wanted to make the world just as it was the few seconds before I heard those piercing words. My life had transformed from thriving to surviving.

To survive Joann’s death I eventually had to come out of my pain and see if I could fly. The love for my son Cayce gave me tenacity and perseverance to resume my quest for spiritual empowerment. This would not come instantly though. My other option was to give up and fall into a dark and dangerous existence, striking out at others like the man who killed Joann. My love for Cayce created this positive spiritual choice.

-Payment for Passage

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Gift from LossOne of my gifts is the trail Joann left of handwritten notes on her refrigerator, journal entries and underlined passages in a book. She continues to communicate with me in some very amazing ways.

The message in the image woke me up at 2:00 a.m., playing over and over in my head until I finally wrote it down so I could go back to sleep this morning. Sometimes I know the meaning is for me, sometimes I know who it is supposed to help and sometimes I share it, not knowing who needs that clue in their treasure hunt we call LIFE.

 “I am not surprised that just because you cannot see or hear me anymore, my messages to you through experiences and other people are still clear. I know it has been very hard to let go at the new level you are working on but you are doing a really good job, Mom, a really good job. That is what I came today to tell you.” 

Tears ran down my face. I wanted to know that Joann was still with me but more than anything, I needed validation that I was finishing our lifetime together the way she wanted. I felt pain and fear flush from my body as I experienced hurt transform into eternal love. 
– Payment for Passage

Please share your comments below if you have had experiences like this. I would love to hear from you.

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hardwood forestWhile riding my bike yesterday I was hoping for a sign of Joann, like a red bird fly in front of me. Toward the end of the ride I heard, “You’ll see.”

I live in the middle of a hardwood forest and cleared behind my house for campfires, etc. For 2 years I have watched a HUGE dead tree on the property next to mine headed straight for my trees and all that I have landscaped.

I worked in the yard this afternoon and in the distance saw that the dead tree had fallen. It fell opposite of how it was leaning and landed exactly on my neighbors property line without hurting anything in my little piece of heaven. Did Joann do that, who knows, but for this human being I would be crazy not to believe in angels after all of my experiences

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True PeaceHere’s a picture of my grandson Kyle during one of our hikes in the woods when he was 3 years old.

In this age of information overflow, loud noises, violent games and movies, there is a wonderful gift in finding a place of solitude and peace where our minds empty and we are in the moment with no distractions or worries.

Mental stress and worry affect your ability to receive the answers you are seeking. The term “you can’t get there from here” truly applies to this situation. At first worry may seem to motivate you to look for options in situations where you are feeling a sense of powerlessness. However, worry does not lead you to feeling powerful. Worry, when prolonged, simply reinforces your sense of powerlessness.     -Payment for Passage

How many times have you realized the answer to while doing something totally unrelated?

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