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Posts Tagged ‘Loss with Holidays’

There needs to be a song entitled “All I Want for Christmas is Someone I Miss”.  I may write one.  Holiday music, commercials, others talking about their exciting plans and the action of purchasing gifts for others can make the pain of loss surface during the holiday season. Anyone who cares deeply and loves passionately can be wounded on earth.  Yet we can soar—even through grief, fear, and anger.

A tragic loss can come from the death of a child, loss of a spouse (death or divorce), loss of a pet, loss of a job, loss of a best friend, loss of a parent, the list goes on and on. We have to adjust to living without someone or something that is an essential part of our life. Every person responds uniquely to the grief, disorientation and shock of ‘now you see it, now you don’t.’ Loss is meant to teach and carry us, not bring our lives to a standstill. Resistance to reality creates suffering. Stress occurs as the mind resists. The first step moving forward emotionally is being tolerant with WHAT IS.

How Loss Transforms Our Life

  • We are in too much pain to pretend.
  • We lose the energy to play games with people, so we don’t pretend to be something we are not.
  • We question what life is all about, so we look around with a new set of eyes.
  • Words that held important definitions in our lives no longer make sense, so we speak less often but in a more meaningful way.
  • Our plan for happiness and security disappears, so we begin to take life in the moment and have no energy to do much more than let life happen and trust the next moments.
  • We are no longer filled with plans, beliefs and motives so moments of truth can easily be recognized by the way our body feels, not what we think.
  • Moments of truth become who we are, not just what we fleetingly think.
  • We move from our head to our hearts and live our life with purpose and dignity.

Suggestions to soften the pain of loss:  

Be real and accept your emotions; don’t fight or be afraid of them.

All emotions are a valuable part of your learning to live with love for yourself and purpose in life.  They will not last forever if you let them flow.  If you don’t let them flow through you, they will return like a tidal wave when you least expect it.  They are telling you something about who you are and what you value – listen to them.  Are there any emotions that you find yourself trying to avoid?  Are you aware of what happens to you when you do avoid those emotions? What can you do differently?

Surround yourself with people who let you be who you are each day.

            Take action when you will know it is time to ask for help – tell people what you need. From the moment you are impacted by a loss, your heart begins crying for help.  Receiving help can be a group dedicated to healing from an event similar to yours or a special person in your life who is with you through thick and thin. Do you have a group or someone in your life that you can go to for a helping hand when needed or to provide helpful suggestions? Is there someone who will let you be who you are each day, even if you change from hour to hour in your moods and needs?  Do YOU let yourself be who you are?

Simplify your life

It is important to connect with yourself more and release as many deadlines as you can that you have created for yourself. Get rid of anything that doesn’t make you feel beautiful and loved. Emotional clutter begins with too much business and trying to keep all of the plates in the air that you are trying to juggle. Weeding out makes space for choices. You have the power to park your mind where you want if some days all you want to do is breathe. Is there an activity that you dread? What gives you gratification or satisfaction? Is there something you can give away to make space for something you would love to have in your home or closet? Make a list of your weekly activities and assess if they are all necessary for your well-being or happiness.

Take steps to learn to love and trust you.

Strengthen your discernment skills of what is real for you during a conversation – what you can use to help you along your way and what you need to discard that others are saying to you.  You are your best expert of who you are, where you are and what you need. Look in the mirror each morning and assure the face you see that you will remain emotionally present all day, no matter what happens. Take care of yourself so you will have a reserve of energy to help and share with others. What positive message can you give yourself if you find yourself being pulled into negative thoughts stemming from past experiences or comments from others? What can you do to nurture yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed? Is there an activity or behavior that seems to be unhealthy for you but you tend to repeat? If so, what is it? Do you have a small, smooth stone or anything tangible to keep in your pocket to rub when you need assurance?

Play with a child or run with a dog.

It is hard to remain sad when a dog wags its tail or a child looks up and smiles at you. If you are having trouble sharing your pain with other people, children and animals will not judge you. If you are self-conscious about crying in front of others, you will be comforted as an animal looks at you with devoted eyes. Just begin talking to a dog and see if you don’t relax as you pat him on the head. Do you have a child or animal in your home or that you can visit from time to time? What activity in your childhood would you like to do today by yourself or with a friend?

Find a quiet place for retreat from the world.

If you have a hectic personal or professional life, it can be difficult to find a relaxing moment of peace and quiet. Experiencing your tranquil side is vital to leading a healthy and happy life. It is important to find a place in your home or yard where you can shut out any loud messages in your head. In that space listen for that quiet voice that gives you strength despite loss and pain in the moment. Do you have a space to escape from the pressures of the outside world? If not, what would you like to have in your space and where would it be? What objects would be meaningful to you in that space? What is your favorite flower, gem stone and candle scent?

Pray away doubts that keep you stuck in despair

Every divine transformation contains one common thread, a desire for spiritual growth above all else.  It all starts with a connection to a larger essence of strength and wisdom – a prayer.  Prayer invites the spiritual realm to join with you in your experience.  It does not have to be just you against the world. Prayer changes things.  If you could ask God for anything right now what would it be?  Do you ever thank the heavenly realm for something you have in your life?  What prayer comes to you that would invite the heavenly realm into a process of eliminating areas of your life that are unhealthy for you?

Do something physical to release the depression and stress built up in your body.      It is amazing how physical activity can serve as a pain killer.  Exercise can put you in a zone of acceptance and faith.  Regular physical exercise improves how you see yourself and enjoy life.  It helps to control your weight, improves your outlook on life and always lightens your mood and grip on life.  A number of studies prove that exercise helps with depression.  Do you engage in any physical activity?  If not, are you willing to experiment and find out what you might enjoy doing?

If you have found something that works for you during the Holiday Season please share it in the comment box below.

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