Unknowingly, with only a few days remaining in her life, Joann called me the evening of 9/11/2001. She asked if the terrorism threat from other countries should worry us. My words to her still haunt me. I replied that evil immediately around us, in our own country, was a greater threat.
My words manifested on October 7, 2001. I listened to the news broadcasts of our bombing Afghanistan in response to 9/11 that Sunday afternoon. As I painted my porch steps in Tennessee, a man recently released from prison was waiting inside Joann’s cabin in Georgia. Our strengthening security on the borders to protect the homeland aided in capturing him as he tried to cross into Canada in her vehicle. Ironically, he was charged with terrorism and murder.
That conversation revisits me every 9/11 and reminds that the anniversary of my child’s death is right around the corner. Each year is different, but always a very vulnerable day for me. I make plans to do something comforting. I end the day with “Thank you , Joann, for chosing me to be your mother. I love you.”
“Do you have an anniversary for a loss in your life that you would like to share? How do you take care of yourself? I would love to hear from you.
We just went through the anniversary of the loss of our home and six cats in a fire. This year the day had slipped past me . I was reminded while listening to the radio and people were talking about loved ones they had loss through suicide and how they have dealt with this loss. The comments all pointed to how this tragic event opened them up to lead a very compassionate life dedicated to service so that those they lost …. their life would have not ended in vain . I realized that I too was leading an expanded life because of what we had gone through. I took that moment to be in deep gratitude to the universe/God for the life I was now walking. I received an email yesterday with a quote that says it all “It does not interest me who you are or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.” (unknown author) We each have that “fire” we are walking through— stand in it and don’t shrink back!
Emma,
As always, your words life me up in a profound way. I love that:
“It does not interest me who you are or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.”
Somehow reading that brought me to total peace.